Days of a Life

Adrianna was born, lived, and died in a too-short span just shy of 37 years. She by no means lived the full life I expected, assumed, and hoped for, but she lived her full life.

None of us know the number days we are assigned to our book of life, and for everyone, mostly, those days are never enough. But they are moments of life none the less, marked from one sunrise to another sunset with evenings in between that should never be taken for granted. How we fill those days, of course, is probably more important than their number.

The book of Adri’s life was written from June 18, 1988 at 6:45 a.m. to May 22, 2025 at 7:00 a.m.

36 years, 11 months, and 4 days.

Shorter than most, but longer than some others. Each that person’s life regardless.

Her life amounted to 13,467 days. Days that went much too quickly for me, but I’m sure full of days that seemed an eternity to her. The countdown started on that Saturday morning in June of 1988, total days dwindling to nothing last May unbeknownst to any of us.

She had 10,000 days left on January 4, 1998.
1,000 days left on August 26, 2022.
And only 100 days left to her story on February 11, 2025.

Interestingly, February 11^th was my great-grandmother Antoinetta Toti’s birthday, who died just two weeks before Adri was born. Her maiden name was Constantine, and I wanted to honor her with my daughter’s name and this is part of the reason she became Adrianna Courtney, to match the initials of her great-great grandmother.

She had 10 days left on May 12, 2025.

This was her boys’ birthday, and I am extremely thankful and lucky that I got to see her that day. It would be my last, our last, but at least the last thing we did was hug, and our last words spoken in person were “I love you.”

Even though her lifespan was her lifespan, it was still too short. I looked to my own personal calendar to see just how short, to try to gain some perspective:

I was the age Adri was when she died on January 8, 2001. This means that everything I have experienced since then happened during a time span denied Adrianna. This includes her high school graduation, several summer trips and the memories that were created, her first car, Cindy and my wedding, the 20 years we’ve spent in our house, the birth of her children, the death of my grandparents, the election of our first black president, 25 Christmases, 25 birthdays for her, 25 Thanksgivings… so much. So, so much.

I’ve lived so much since January 8, 2001, all those moments between sunrises which were denied my daughter.

Interestingly, January 8^th was my grandfather’s birthday. He lived to be 90 and loved all his family tremendously, including his great granddaughter. During his book of days, he reached Adri’s final age on December 12, 1955.

A lifetime ago.

Half of her life was over on December 4, 2006, though of course we didn’t know this then. She was in her first semester at the University of Louisville, struggling with feelings of isolation in her dorm room. I often wonder if that wouldn’t have been her half-way point if she’d had a roommate.

One of dozens of wonders and regrets, of course.

I also looked to famous people whose lives we all know to try to gain a different perspective on the length of her life:

Lady Diana lived for 36 years, 1 month and 30 days. She also left behind two sons who are also two years apart. They were 15 and 13, Bryce and Wes 12 and 10. Probably the closest comparison for me, especially considering the children.

And also, she was my little princess, too.

Marilyn Monroe: 36 years, 2 months, 3 days.
Bob Marley was 36 years, 3 months, and 5 days.
Lord Byron, 36 years, 2 months, 28 days.
Cyrano de Bergerac: 36 years, 4 months, 22 days.
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec:36 years, 9 months, 16 days.
Georges Bizet: 36 years, 7 months, 9 days.
Henry V: 36 years, 22 days.
Eric Dolphy: 36 years, 9 days.

Clearly, then, one’s time on this planet can burn extremely bright even during an otherwise too-short lifetime. The number of sunrises and sunsets seen are less important than how we spend the time between them.

But it doesn’t stop me from being full of despair and anger for the time that was taken from her. She lived her lifetime, but I wanted and needed more. She deserved more.