A Quiz

I've created a little quiz/test for your enjoyment. Part trivia test, part IQ test, it's one-hundred percent fun and informative. Answers follow at the bottom.

1. In terms of shear tonnage, what weighs more, the total aggregate weight of:

1. humans
   
2. cockroaches?
   

2. Which would you rather receive:

1. One Million US Dollars
   
2. A smile from a small child

3. Is it true that every time a bells rings, an angel gets its wings?

4. Given an infinite number of monkeys typing away at an infinite number of typewriters, how long would it take them to produce the complete works of William Shakespeare?

ANSWERS
------------

1. A. Humans, of course. Gosh you're dumb. I'm mean, look at a human. Now, look at a cockroach. Can't you see that humans are much bigger, and thus weigh a hell of a lot more? What were you thinking? I don't care if there are more cockroaches than humans, there can't be so much more that the scales would be tipped in their favor. I haven't done any actual research on this, of course, but it stands to reason. Please try to use your head.

2. A. Please. Take the million. You want a child to smile? Stick your tongue out at them. Bark like a dog. Say "oogie boogie boogie!!!" three times fast. The kid will smile, and you'll be a million dollars richer to boot. It's a no brainer. Tell you what, those of you whom chose 'B': Next time your car payment is due, walk into your bank and try to pay it by shouting "oogie boogie boogie" to the teller. See what I mean? Okay.

3. Yeah, I've watched "It's A Wonderful Life", too, but that doesn't mean I look towards it to answer all of life's mysteries. Do you also wonder if the Great Pumpkin visits? These are TV shows and movies, for crissakes. Everyone knows that angels don't even have wings; they flitter about defying gravity using a special antigravity protein secreted by their oddly developed pineal gland that renders their bodies weightless using the Weak Magnetic Force. If you watched "Mr Wizard's World" on television as a kid you'd know this.

4. Sigh. Pssst. Listen up. Monkeys do not speak or write English. Or haven't you noticed? Why, then, do you think that they could even type out Macbeth, let alone the rest of Mr. Shakespeare's canon? I don't care if you have one, fifteen, seven thousand five hundred, or an infinte number of illiterate monkeys. They're illiterate. They can barely read or write in their own language, let alone The King's English. So the answer, of course, is never. They could never type out the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, if they were using a computer with a spell checker rather than a typewriter: Maybe.