Let out the clutch

So I taught my daughter how to drive this summer. A stick shift, no less. With a clutch. I add this because evidently there are clutchless stick shifts now. That's just wrong. And besides the point. The point, my Dear Reader(s), is that one can no longer pretend that one isn't middle aged when one has an offspring that can drive oneself around. Clutch or not. Now maybe if we were talking an automatic, I could pretend that I was "approaching middle age"; but with a clutch?

No.

I'm officially "past my prime", as it were. I really and truly would have no problem with being on the wrong side of the hill if I thought that I'd justified my existence already... but I haven't. Sure, sometimes I'll look at said daughter (see above) and figuratively point to her saying to myself, "There. You've justified yourself. You've accomplished something," but really, who am I kidding? Or rather, sure, yes, yadda yadda, that's true, but sometimes I want more. I wanted more when I was younger, anyway.

When you're young and from a progressive family and you have even an iota of talent or intelligence you're often doted on with the old "you can do anything in your life that you put your mind to", and your every creative output can be ooohed and ahhhed over, not only by the aforementioned family but also your peer group and teachers. If you're given too much self esteem along these lines you might even begin to believe it, that you can accomplish anything you want in life.

Clearly, you can't. Or at least I couldn't. Much of this I chalk up to laziness on my part. Some to circumstances out of my control that changed the direction/ebb of my life, and maybe a small sliver I can attribute to overexpectations on my part. For after all, what did I expect out of life? Isn't the love of family, friends, one's wife and children enough?

Yeah, it is. It is enough. It still doesn't make birthdays any easier since I turned 30, however, nor does it stop me from shaking my head and wondering where all the time went when I see my daughter shift from second to third.