Of Empathy and Renee Good

Adrianna was almost 37 when she died, born in June of 1988, leaving behind two children. Renee Good was 37 when she was killed, born in April of 1988, leaving behind three children. This was of course not lost on me given my mental state, where everything I see, hear, feel, and experience these last few months comes to me through the filter of loss of my daughter.

This filter isn’t the source of my anger and despair over Renee Good’s murder, of course, but it is certainly amplified it, placing my empathy on steroids. It is filling me with even more range at those who’d shrug off the murder of this mother as some sort of FAFO, whose life could be written off by the person who shot her multiple times while proclaiming “fucking bitch” as he calmly walked away still masked.

It wasn’t his wife. Or sister. Or daughter. Who cares.

“Fucking bitch.”

I think one of the biggest differences between liberals and conservatives is the degree to which these two groups experience empathy. Often it seems that conservatives are unable to be empathetic or understanding about a given issue unless or until they or someone close to them become directly personally affected by that issue.

There are countless stories, for example, of parents who were anti-gay homophobes until the moment their own children came out, at which point they begin to understand and change their views. And there are former supply-side “taxes are evil let me keep my own money I know what to do with it better than the government” types that suddenly understand and appreciate Social Security when they retire and have to rely solely on those monthly checks.

For whatever reason liberals seem to be able to better understand and feel for those less fortunate even if they themselves are doing fine. They don’t have to be personally affected, but rather whatever part of the human brain responsible for empathy is engaged and used to a much higher degree than their conservative counterparts it would seem.

It’s kind of odd, because there is one group of people with whom The Right are sort of empathetic: The Ultra Rich.

No matter how down-trodden they may be, no matter how much they’ve been left behind by society, no matter how badly the Ultra Rich and multinational corporations have treated them, they will still vote against their own best interests, ceding power and control to these affluent groups at their own expense. Why? Because many of them think that maybe one day they, too, will be rich. A sort of reverse empathy.

But are they empathetic to those worse off than themselves with whom they also share no personal connection? The answer, unfortunately, is usually no. They feel the opposite. They demonize those people and place 100% of the blame for their situation on the people themselves, and if children are caught in the crosshairs, children who clearly have no control of the situation, so be it.

Up until that moment when someone they love becomes personally affected by racism or homophobia or food insecurity or housing loss or health issues exasperated by our terrible health policy, of course. Only then do some become converts to decency and empathy and the good of a society as a whole.

I want to live in a country that can feel for others and care about them even if they have no personal connection to those people. I want to live in a country where we care at least as much about those less fortunate as ourselves as we do about those who own gold-plated toilets and make more in a month than most people will make in a thousand lifetimes.

I want my daughter’s children to grow up in such a country and world even if she and the countless Renee Good’s never had that chance.