Thank You

Thanks everyone for expressing emotional support for me and my family during all of this. I appreciate it, and I know how hard it is to try to find words of comfort and understanding for someone in pain when you know or fear nothing you can say will be sufficient or adequate. But we try, anyway, because that's what we do for those we care about.

For me, when I have been on the other side, I always look and hope for signs that things are getting better, that the healing has started, that perhaps the pain is lessening a bit. No one wants to see those we care about in pain, and as much as we may try to wish a return of if not happiness than at least some form of calmness into being for that person, we're really powerless.

I'm trying to appreciate that parts of life that are still glorious, and I will try to share that as well. It can't and shouldn't be all doom and gloom.

Still, it's going to be a while before I stop posting my thoughts on Adrianna, my profound sense of loss and the heartbreaking state of helplessness I found myself in these last few years. She always used to tell me that I was her oasis, her calm center with whom she always felt safe, and yet the last few years that ended up not being enough.

I don't have it in me to pretend that things are okay, and I know this will cause some pain to those who care about me, or about humans in general, and for that I'm sorry. But I need to talk like this sometimes, and I need people to see it. I realize that may be selfish on my part, but it helps. Just a small misty droplet of help into a 100-gallon tank that is basically empty but needs to be filled up eventually.

So again I thank you for all your words, and I'd apologize for subjecting you all to this but I won't, because when the shoe has been on the other foot I would tell that person that no apology is necessary, I love you and want you to do or say whatever you need to, that I'm here and understand and to please not worry about that. Still... I'm sorry.