New Money-Saving Anti-Socialism Idea!

I want to privatize the police and fire detartments. Why this socialized protection? We all should have to pay a monthly fee to something called "civil protection", and, after we've met our deductible (over $200 in theft/damages), then the police will come out and investigate. We'd still have to pay them a small "appearance fee", of course. I think the police force might even start showing a profit finally!

Of course, if our house had been broken into in the past due to a faulty lock before we started our civil protection plan, then the police wouldn't have to come if we had a new theft due to the preexisting condition of the faulty lock. Same thing with the fire department. Oh, you have a roof with wood shingles instead of composite? Well, that's not covered, then.

If you wanted to higher a private investigator/consultant, furthermore, you'd first have to get the approval of the board of directors of the civil protection plan/police force. If they approved it, their fee would be covered under the plan (less the small copayment, of course). Furthermore, this plan would just cover regular beat cops. If you wanted a specialist, say a homicide detective, that, too, would first have to be approved by the civil protection plan, after filling out 12 forms and making seventeen phone calls, but hey, it's the cost of freedom.

To make this civil protection plan more affordable, we could force your place of employment to offer a group plan, and pray and hope that they payed a portion of your premiums, because, dammit, obviously your home and property's safety should be the responsibility of your employer. Of course, if you were laid off and lost the civil protection coverage, the 911 dialing service on your phone would be disconnected. That's a shame, but if you just got a new job with a new employer who paid your civil protection plan, you'd be fine. Stop being so lazy. And oh: that old door lock, alarm system, and roof are now no longer covered since they're preexisting conditions, so let's hope the burglar comes through your back window.

Next up: My plan to end socialized military, because the private sector (Haliburton, Blackwater, et al), do it so much better and earn some green to boot.