Tired

I’m so tired.

Tired of being angry at life,

Tired of being angry at death.

Tired of venting,

Tired of hiding the pain.

Tired of being triggered, 

Tired of forgetting.

Tired of apologizing to myself,

Tired of feeling I’m bothering others.

Tired of wondering why,

Tired of wondering how.

Tired of the dull pain, 

Tired of the sharp.

Tired of ephemeral hope,

Tired of despair.

Tired of fearing the future,

Tired of regretting the past.

Tired of endless introspection,

Tired of moving on.

Tired of knowing the boys’ sorrow,

Tired of feeling helpless.

Tired of crying 

Multiple times an hour,

Multiple times a day,

Multiple times a week.

Tired of missing her,

Tired of living without her,

Tired of knowing she’s gone - 

And yet it’s just begun.