I Used To Miss You Before You Were Here

I've mentioned this to people, and they think I'm odd. To whit: how is it possible to miss someone retroactively, if indeed that is even the proper nomenclature? This is what I mean:

I have a pretty good memory of my childhood, going back to when I was still in a crib to about college time, at which point my memories all get clouded and jumbled together. But my early life: clear as day. However, when I think back to, say, first grade, when I was building a "King Kong" plastic model, or when I remember when I was four or so learning to ride a two-wheeler for the first time (begging my mom for what seemed weeks to take the training wheels off the purple Schwin I had), or the time I hit a home run in little league... I suddenly realize that my daughter's not there. Where the hell is she? Here I was, living my life, as happy as a clam (well, I wasn't that happy; maybe I was as happy as a scallop. Yes), yet my daughter wasn't alive. How could I have been happy without her? Why didn't I "miss" her? I certainly "miss" her in my memories. See what I mean about "retroactively" missing someone?

I go through an old family photo album and find a group picture of our family. Everyone's there... with the exception of my daughter. Yet we're all smiling, totally oblivious to the fact that someone isn't there.

Etc.

Now of course I know, intellectually, that this is normal. Of course my daughter isn't there; she hasn't been born yet. There was no one to miss back then. But what the hell does that mean? Where are we before we're born? It doesn't bother me so much wondering where I was before I was born, for I take it as a given that I simply wasn't. But my daughter? That's another story.

People miss people when they die, of course, and some wonder where they are (since the Vatican got rid of Limbo recently, the possible answers just became fewer). What I experience is the exact reverse of this: missing someone before they were born, and wondering where they were before their birthdate.

I thought that perhaps I was the only one that ever thought about this, but the other day I heard on the radio someone talking about just this. So while I may be crazy or odd, at least I'm not alone. So there.