Hey, Scott

Did I ever tell you the story about how I was known as "Scott" for about two years? If the answer is "yes", then move on. If the answer is "no", then get yourself a cup of coffee, maybe a bagel, empty out your ash tray, take your shoes off and get ready. The story will commence after the next line break.

Okay.

I was living in an apartment that shared a breezeway with another apartment which was rented by a couple of lesbians. Now, their sexual orientation may not be important, but every time I use words like "lesbians" my site moves up in the Google rankings. Plus, I always refer to these two friends of mine as "The Lesbians" in real life, so why should it be any different here?

One day when I was out on my apartment's patio one of The Lesbians drove up, got out of the car, smiled at me and said, "Hi, Scott!" before going inside. I didn't have time to correct her and didn't think it was that important, anyway. The next day as I was coming home from work she was leaving, and when she passed me she said, "home from work, Scott?" before she was gone.

Again, no chance to correct, and again, I didn't think it really mattered, anyway.

This continued for weeks and months. One of The Lesbians had a grandchild who came to visit, and he called me Scott. The other Lesbian had two kids that spent half the time with her and half with her parents.

They called me Scott, too. "Hey Scott, when is Adri coming again?" Etc. I didn't think it was my place to make a liar of their parents, so I let it go.

The Lesbians had cats. My roommate at the time was fond of saying, "Man, imagine if those cats could talk. The things they've seen!". He was also fond of calling me Scott in front of The Lesbians, just because he knew this bothered me.

So now over a year has gone by. The Lesbian's cats have had kittens, and they're selling them. Adri wants a cat, so I ask if I can buy one ("one" would end up being Simba). I do, and have to write a check...

I know this is IT. I can no longer live this duality; it will be found out that I'm Hank and not Scott, because my checks of course are printed with my real name. So I bring over the check and sheepishly explain that the check is real, that I'm not Scott. The Lesbian of course asks why I let it go on so long, and I tell her that at first I never had a chance to correct her, and then I thought it would never matter, and later it became too late. I'd let them call me Scott for so long that it was just too awkward to set the record straight.

I've always wondered why "Scott" and not "Fred" or whatever. Maybe I just look like a Scott.